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wow i've had dreadful days before but this is a new low. let's see if i can drag myself out of bed and start working before 4 in the afternoon.

anyway, i finished my rewatch of battlestar galactica and now i'm thinking of watching caprica to see how well it aged.

i go back to work tomorrow and all i can think about right now is "what the hell is wrong with me" - i feel something is off, but i cannot put it into words at all. it's really frustrating to experience something so tangible but
at the same time have it be so beyond your grasp.

well, last night the (screw) post on one of my piercings came apart and it's too difficult for me to fix it so i'm gonna have to swap it for a hoop at home. i was going to do this anyway but still it's annoying, and will have to make it easier to swap out by myself.

honestly as time goes on i get more and more appreciative of the fact i decided to be defiant of my first employer out of university's attempt to pressure me into moving to austin. i had no good reason to go against it, just didn't care for it at all after apartment hunting.

to be perfectly honest, i didn't believe it actually happened the first time. i mean, i've spent years in constant pain now, but nothing even comes close to what i felt in those moments. i'm still not sure what to with that, if i can do anything with it at all.

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i tried to impart an experience to my doctor the other day, and found myself really struggling with it - partly because i couldn't illustrate it, and partly because it didn't seem believable. ultimately i think he believed that i believed it, but wasn't sure about it himself.

ah, fuck. despite the meds, it feels like i'm being stabbed by hundreds of knives all up and down the backs of my calves.

ugh, i'm returning to a 5 day schedule next week and maybe it was a mistake to not stagger this in a bit more gradually. this has been absolute hell on my body, and it's clear that i shouldn't have been working at all the last few months.

gods, i am doing poorly this morning. i keep being told that it's probably related to the weather, but something tells me otherwise. or rather, it's not that it's not the weather but it's not only the weather and i haven't identified what the other thing is.

i'm going to have such a headache during work today… i'm really not looking forward to this.

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would really like a way to shortcircuit my brain when it gets stuck in the "i'm just not interested in sleeping today" mode before it progresses to the point of being too late for sleeping meds or being too engaged to try to sleep. ugh.

i've been starting to develop new habits to cope with being in pain, and i'm not sure what to think of this. the most obvious one is i've started to keep my eyes closed more often, especially when talking. i'm sure it looks a bit odd, but instinctually it seems to help (?)

after waking up to the sound of jackhammers, i'm delighted by the fact that they have ceased entirely for the rest of the morning.

honestly i'm a little surprised that there isn't a streaming service with battlestar galactica (for free) on it. though it seems like a bargin to pay 100$ for the whole series on itunes in HD compared to +120$ on amazon.

spent the afternoon refreshing myself on knots while having netflix play in the background. i'm now mentally fatigued but feeling it physically. definitely need to take a rest before i do anything else.

greatly appreciate the "do as i say, not as i do" of the xar man page detailing how apple deprecated it's use and alternatives should be sought while using it as primary method of distributing the dev tools.

ah shit, i was going to read the third volume 'the exectioner and her way of life' before the anime that begins to air this week, guess i need to prioritize that tomorrow.

read volume 1 of "catch these hands", which, is a good english title for this series. looking forward to seeing the rest of it, as i've been a long time fan. next up is "my wandering warrior existance". slowly making my way through my backlog, one new book at a time.

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