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looking forward to swapping out one of my piercings this week. can finally stop having to be extra careful about getting it caught on everything.

i've been keeping routine really well lately but i occasionally slip up and expose how broken my brain is. like how i have managed to not sleep at all this night and not feel consequences of it.

hmm, just found out in the coming year that we are getting supplemental days off which ends up with having at least one day a month off being pto. i'm honestly not sure i like this as it feels so little/empty.

i'm had this weird thing with my left foot and ankle today, where it is in pain like i've got a bone injury but the intensity is all wrong. not sure what to make of this tbh.

On the one hand it is terrible how bad i end up feeling each day. on the other it is fantastic how good it feels to get this many naps in. on yet another, it is disappointing how ineffective that time asleep seems to be right now.

extremely not ready for this weekend to be over already it feels like i got maybe 50% of the rest i needed during it, so i'm not looking forward to this last week of work before the holidays.

oh great. i update my phone and now what the fuck happened to my browser? why is the url bar on the bottom of the screen? is this it? am i just a consumer of this product now as i lack any and all understanding of what it is doing?

fuck. i still don't understand how i can rest all day and still feel this weak. oddly, it's just upper body that feels this way, no problems with walking - just core and upper body feels like i could just collapse.

honestly i'm not sure if my grasp on english has gotten worse or my level of perception has greatly increased but i now regularly struggle with word selection and it's messing with my head as i just cannot accurately define my reality with language anymore and it's a bit surreal.

and i cannot get out of this cycle of errors when attempting to purchase anything due to unknown reasons ranging from potential fraud transaction denials i'm not being notified about or psn just being unhappy i'm buying something i already own the base game of. who the fuck knows

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love how whenever i go to do something minor and trivial the entire cosmos aligns to make it the most hellish and cryptic process imaginable. who the fuck would have guessed that turning on my ps4 for the first time in months would require literal blood sacrifice to make it work

i sometimes stumble upon series that i would have entirely overlooked, such as "a monster wants to eat me" and i am so thankful for these small surprises. this story is wonderful and dark and i love it.

ugh, i've got this nail in my head right now and i cannot tell if it's from the extremely distressed dog next door that's been yapping non-stop for the last few hours or something else entirely and that is how my morning is going so far.

fuck. i'm tired and the day hasn't even started yet. last few days i've been taking a nap after i finish work just because i'm so exhausted. which is kinda… but maybe i can just take the next few weeks to recover.

the dr doesn't believe that any of these tests are going to show anything new - which isn't a surprise and is good news but it's tiring to rule all this out again.

latest interlude chapter of "beneath the dragoneye moons" has me cackling. oh, poor elaine; you had no idea how you were being judged the whole time.

tomorrow i go to see rheumatology for the first time in years and maybe they will have something new for me.

shit. fuck. that's twice, or is it three times in the same day now. i'm never going to get use to this, ever.

ah! "throw away the suit together" is so beautiful!!

hahahaaah, guess who was an idiot and didn't take meds on time and now is suffering the side effects. why does it have to be this particular sensation of coldness, fuck.

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