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ooo, episodes 9-11 have been wonderful. showing the true stripes of yumeko, though i'm really looking forward to episode 13.

the portrayal of midari is… distasteful? i'm not entirely sure how to put this as it is pretty accurate but was
left a little more ambiguous in the manga. that might entirely be bias in my own reading, but it feels shoehorned into a trope rather than being raw. i don't like that

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why do the subs keep saying "ryota" whenever yumeko says "suzui-san"? this feels like manufactured closeness by the translator, as it seems like she calls him by his last name all the way through the series.

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legs feel too weak to stand for long, but hurt to stay seated. sigh.

the intensity is also off to me. this feels like a sane person's interpretation of this brand of insanity, so the intensity is out of tune to the emotional highs and lows that seem to exist.

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ah, episode 2 nailed it down. it has the wrong type of "perverse" feeling to it. sumaragi is too sexualized and not enough of the right "insane" feeling. yumeko is the same, it feels like an act compared to the original material to me.

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something about the anime version of kakegurui feels off to me. the portrayal of the feelings and intent of the scenes feel to have lost some of their nuance from the original - maybe it's just me due to personal affinity to yumeko, but it's close but feels… artificial?

i wish there were more days where i could fall asleep before 2-3am. these days it's not because i cannot sleep, but because i'm in pain.

hey so today i was ask how i was really actually doing and i answered "really bad" after only a short pause. so often i am upset about the fact that what i live is glossed over due to my ability to mask how it materially impacts me.

okay, then last episode of "battle in 5 seconds…" ended where i expected, and we got to see a number of shots i wasn't expecting them to put in during the credits, which was fun. i hope that gets a second season for the 4th program.

it's always fascinating to me when people catch out a lie - the reaction, the grace they give, and how they handle future statements.

i am exhausted today. felt like i could barely stand this morning and i know that'll only get worse as the day progresses. it's probably related to how poorly i slept but still i'm not sure what i can really do about this.

the proper pun here is "if it is not all in?" but that's not what i'm trying to get at because it's not about the wager but of the strength required to take the full step forward with the consequences it carries rather than a symbolic half-step to be walked back for plot reasons.

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tbh for the longest time yandere-chan seemed to be the only one that came close to getting it, although that has more to do with amount of personal resolve that character has displayed so far. everyone else is so weak willed, what's the point in any gamble if it's not definitive?

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the fallacy of trying to prescribe her motive is a normal sane person thing to do, so i get why all her opponents do it. i'm not sure that convenient words exist to illustrate this, but yumeko is a hedonist. mary seems like she is starting to see that too, everyone else is lost.

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i'm up to chapter 78 of kakegurui and it's starting to bother me how accurate and misunderstood this character representation feels to me. i worry some of this is lost in translation but i cannot see yumeko as driven by greed, nor is she addicted (in the trad sense) to gambling.

ugh, i've got to get up. i've got chores to do today as i was too tired to do them yesterday. i may regret that as i've got to go out tomorrow for a doctors appointment, but i'll manage either way.

unlike most people on the same neuro-spectrum as myself, i have an unreal level of object permanence. the downside is that when objects become lost they are forever as i can only ever think of them as being in the last place i remember putting them so it's impossible to find them

sometimes twitter teaches you things that you honestly wish you hadn't ever learned.

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