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my brain feels so distracted today, i don’t feel like i can focus at all and i absolutely hate it. it might be because i’m procrastinating a task so i can complete communicating a full thought in a text before doing anything else - but it’s taking a while to compose it fully.

i’d like to get a new cane. this may take quite some time though because i want a really custom and personal piece, and locating an artisan that would be willing to work with me is hard. it doesn’t help that i’m the sort that doesn’t know quite what i want until i actually see it

geez, i definitely need new corsets now too. i’ve lost too much weight over the last year, i would need to gain back something like 40 pounds at least to keep what i have.

honestly, what better time to speak ill of someone than when they are dead?

grumble grumble grumble

i was using pandoc's template engine, now i'm going to have to work out how to replace that for page assembly. this is not what i expected to get hung up on and it is going to take some time to replace :(

hmmm, looking for a simple text template engine. there doesn't seem to be any existing templating engines for nim that support logic operations, and i really don't want to write my own :\

hmmm, well i've gotten automatic rst->html generation working, though it doesn't seem like i have an easy replacement for rendering pages as pdfs that my site currently supports, hmmm. there is a pdf generator library but it would require me making an interface for rst AST to pdf

i woke up this morning at 6:30, because it feels like i have a railroad spike embedded in my right knee. it’s strange, in that it’s usually my left knee. i hope the meds i took earlier start working soon.

also in trans things: ow, my tits.

not that this is something to complain about, but, still, ow.

slowly building a new version of my website code. it will require some major changes to the page content (serving rst instead of markdown), but should
be much easier for me to manage. my tablet just died though cuz i didn’t realize it was unplugged so i guess im done for tonight.

it was absolutely outside his worldview to see my situation as something that i could be content with. i’m sure a few of you reading this are in the same boat as him. i have to stress how offensive it is to express that belief in any way. you can have it, but keep it to yourself.

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one day i went to see my pain doctor and first got seen by a doctor-in-training. he asked me how my quality of life was, and i said yes. he was floored, in utter disbelief, that i - uses a cane, is permanently in pain, needs to take opioid pain meds daily - am perfectly content.

ugh. my shoulders are hurting quite a bit the last
few days. it probably has something to do with not
using shitty posture because i’m using my corsets again. i keep rolling my shoulders back and holding them in position is uncomfortable unless they settle into place juuust right

i know most people are using swift or rust or go these days, but i've found Nim to be more enjoyable than any of those languages. the community is smaller by comparison and it doesn't see much commercial use yet, but i don't see that as a negative attribute either.

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the tools and ecosystem have a lot of support for game development, though my interests are more in hobby programming on a systems level these days. it has a powerful type system and keeps the amount of syntax needed to express anything very minimal, better than most languages.

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i find myself programming in Nim ( most of the time these days, it is a really powerful/useful systems language and compiles to any platform you could name. it's syntactically similar to python, and easily interfaces with C-based languages and javascript.

i ended up reading a story today that really made me think about the nuance of how the way someone retells past traumatic experiences can tell a lot about how they view those experiences in ways they may not even be conscious of.

it is... exhausting trying to get code to build on a system that it evidently wasn't written to support. finding replacements for APIs that don't exist or are vague, at best, in behavior.

the real challenge is the fundamentals of this are nontrivial complex concepts that aren’t easy or convenient to explain, so even the most basic language will assume a great deal of the reader. at that point the reader loses interest because you are asking too much of them.

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one of these days i should write a holistic guide to signing and cryptographic validation that apple uses for the app stores and their operating systems. the vast majority of developers in this ecosystem have no clue about why these things exist or why it is important.

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