was reading a story during the night and one of the major plot points is the loss of ability and the grief one experiences as a result. i found the summation of it being a fundamentally incomprehensible experience to other people. similar to how my own grief from illness has been

in particular, the fact that one’s mentality cannot protect oneself from becoming suicidal. instead, it takes immense mental strength and willpower to get past this way of thinking, which i don’t think many people understand.

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in hindsight, i now understand myself much better than i did before, but also know it sets me further apart from everyone else because of this fundamental difference in how i experience the world.

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