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was reading a story during the night and one of the major plot points is the loss of ability and the grief one experiences as a result. i found the summation of it being a fundamentally incomprehensible experience to other people. similar to how my own grief from illness has been

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in particular, the fact that one’s mentality cannot protect oneself from becoming suicidal. instead, it takes immense mental strength and willpower to get past this way of thinking, which i don’t think many people understand.

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in hindsight, i now understand myself much better than i did before, but also know it sets me further apart from everyone else because of this fundamental difference in how i experience the world.

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