𓂧 𓅓 𓇌 @demi@witches.social

hey apple friends: has the call id extensions and such advances far enough to make spam calls not even ring? i see some apps that claim to not even let calls hit your phone and cause a ring if they are blocked but i don’t know the status of the privacy and telephone-related apis these days /cc @millenomi @Catfish_Man

realizing that, yes, i do what to get a hecking lot of tattoos and piercings that carry significance of my life as i have lived it.

https://themighty.com/2019/01/disabled-by-migraine/

reading this, i feel like this resonates with me so intensely. it resonates with me not being able to walk around my apartment without getting so winded i need to lay down to catch my breath. it resonates with me not being able to see friends like i want, to have to leave family events early or risk having serious health problems for days later. it resonates by being so abruptly disabled i’m still not sure how to react to it.

so it was definitely my new england blood that just made me go outside $(against our collective better judgement) and re-salt our walkway because the description of it that housemate gave from last night,,, was horrifying and dangerous.

i hate how it seems to be some comedic joke that there aren’t words to describe how tired i am. this is wrong, it isn’t normal, we all shouldn’t feel this way, why is this a “joke” ?!?!

#PS4share

@tootapp hey, when do you think we can expect support for checking follower requests, as well as managing blocked and muted users/domains? these are three key features i still have to rely on a separate app to do.

Check out my broadcast from my PlayStation 4! #PS4live (Shadow of the Tomb Raider) live at https://www.twitch.tv/queersorceress

i’m still trying to wrap my head around the circumstances that i find myself still alive today. the “here and now” is the place i live and if any small part of this fragile balance tips too far — then everything i’ve worked for up until now is gone. can i please stop going through the motions, this is fucking torture.

i still feel really overwhelmed by what is happening and how it really really feels like nobody cares. i know that i live in a different world than everyone else because of my autistic brain, but i am so perplexed by how nonplussed everyone seems to be taking the fact of how sick i am and how it doesn’t seem to be a huge priority to anyone to do anything about it?? idk, it sends me a lot of mixed messages and i just don’t have it in me to act on it 99% of the time.

lately, i’ve been trying to keep reading. it makes me feel good, and that is hard to do these days. i’m making an amazon wish list for books i would like. my tastes trend towards light novels, manga, and some graphic novels. i use to love thick volumes of fiction/fantasy, but now it is almost stressful to do that and have difficulty remembering things across long chapters and call-backs to other books.

#PS4share

#PS4share

i feel i’m at a point where i should be given a free pass at life, like “you did good, and managed to survive every cruel and terrible thing we threw at you and managed to dance through it with grace. here is a free pass for the rest of your life” and be allowed to exit the hamster wheel with what little dignity i have left (actually there is none 🙁).

i’ve had it pointed out to me that i am doing incredibly well; all things considered. i am alive, working, getting good amounts of sleep, have healthy emotional/romantic relationships, and having my shit together in some extremely dire circumstances. then i realize that this is all because i don’t know how to stop. i am super fucked up from a boat-load of different traumas and bad life experiences and by all rights shouldn’t be able to do any of the things i am, but i don’t know how not to??

waking up and trying to prepare for the day but also unsure if my legs will work at all.

tfw: falling asleep makes you nervous because you have no idea how much less responsive your body will be when you wake up.