i’ve had quite a good time with β€œsailor fuku, tokidori apron”; sad upon reaching the end of volume 4 to find no more antics.

holocaust 

i started fire emblem three houses, and my take-aways so far are:
1. bernadette must be protected at all costs
2. the archbishop doesn’t appreciate my flirtatious banter (no idea why not)
3. why won’t anyone smooch me yet?!

so i guess i’m stuck with this pain that is not pain; as it is unlikely that there is a drug specific enough to inhibit the receptor necessary to make me feel even moderately β€œokay”.

what’s more is how alien and discomforting this is to the human body.

some of my discomfort responses are starting to register as β€œpainful” to me. however, they aren’t coming in via the receptors that β€œpain” should be registering as they would be blocked by the opioid inhibiting those receptors. it’s strange, how the brain treats these responses.

as an opioid, this blocks certain receptors in the brain and prevents the β€œnormal” pain response from occuring. however, it doesn’t block other receptors, so i can still feeling things; like mild to extreme discomfort. here is where things start to get weird.

i take 2mg of suboxone (Buprenorphine, equivalent of ~60mg of morphine per dose) 3x daily, in addition to a muscle relaxant to help with joint stiffness. that is currently enough to manage my pain to a level i can act like a β€œnormalβ€œ person again γƒΌ atleast, normal for me.

something i think about a lot is: how different β€œpain” is between individuals. what separates our experience as ones that make us feel hurt versus those that merely are uncomfortable or unpleasant? this helps me understand how to interpret my responses to my own condition.

hardcore dreading the number of bluray box sets i will have to purchase to ensure offline back-ups of content i do want to watch again at an arbitrary future date.

oh, yes, taking my evening pain meds would definitely help clear up this terrible back pain.

i’m halfway through my theros beyond death booster box and i’m super disappointed in the print quality. constant ink smudges, blots of ink, and stains where the color ran. i hope this is a new printer doing a shitty job.

(οΏ£γƒΌοΏ£)

holocaust 

i wish apple photos was better at how it treats facial matching of photos - especially for trans people. i hate seeing mid-transition photos pop up every time i open the app.

i got to see star wars today! it was a bunch of fun! though i have a lot of continuity gripes that will never get answered :(

how are movies so bad these days?!?!?! oh my gods.

we are going to see star wars today and i’m really hoping that i start feeling better by then

i really really want to swap out the piercing jewelry on my industrial already. however i need to leave it alone for another month :(

oh my gods, i am really not okay today. i am so sick of this pain that isn’t actually pain γƒΌ so none of the drugs work on it. i’m left in this state of agony.

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