i am mildly starting to want to make my own *amazing* software project again, and the inherent problem here is that i never really finished any of the past projects i have started and know it will burn me out fairly quickly again if i try to do this.

the right combination of recruitment tags appeared in arknights this morning and i was able to snag hoshiguma! i've been using saria, nearl, and liskarm as my main defenders, but glad i finally rolled one with better attack and def skills. definitely will use saria and hoshi now.

sometimes i wonder if it would be worth writing about my experiences - personally, professionally, medically, etc - to say what i’ve learned from it. what i fear is it becoming yet another task of thankless work. i’ve come to realize that i cannot do that to myself anymore.

so is it some hidden secret in arknights that platinum actually sucks as a ST sniper compared to meteor or vermeil? or does she just match really poorly with blue poison? feels like a lot of the time drones are almost getting away before being killed as a result :/

the comedy in this show is so good, especially for a show that doesn't try to be funny. rodney is such a great/real supporting character.

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the scene in giri/haji of taki β€œtranslating” for kenzo at the british police is an absolute riot.

gods, i am so tired today. i’m really hoping its for a reason other than going out and having appointments yesterday. not that would make things better, but at least i wouldn’t feel as pathetic about my own health.

i started watching giri/haji on netflix and so far i’ve been enjoying it.

this tweet feels lacking and i want to elaborate why i like it but i don’t know how to explain the parts of how it was shot that fascinate me.

i am kinda miffed thanks to one person and their completely unnecessary questioning tone of voice, - the one that only trans people ever get to experience - be it intentional or otherwise, ya’ll cis people need to cut that shit out.

i’m not so naive to think i can find a job that is enriching and makes me feel good about myself and whatever, but i shouldn’t have to feel so absolutely compromised about the vast majority of this industry. it is really depressing.

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…the fault as they are the only β€œfaceβ€œ. how do you as an engineer build or contribute to a platform that purposefully turns humans into machines and not feel terrible about it? you have to never see them as people in the first place.

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… i am running a little late. they seemed to take it as a personal attack and i’m not sure how to articulate that my problem is with the lack of transparency from lyft as a platform, not with them. however that doesn’t matter because they are comodified to take the brunt of…

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i wish someone had told me how morally compromised i’d eventually feel about working in tech.

my lyft rider has been super apologetic since the moment i got into the car. i just tried to ask to see the plotted destination and route because they made a strange turn and…

why does this matter? well, let me tell you, there is a world of difference between a single moderate source of acute pain and several severe sources of acute pain - aside from that i still haven’t found the right language to describe how i feel other than β€œfucking dreadful” so

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which, honestly sounds incredibly silly but i’ve never been stabbed (plural) before, as in, i’ve been stabbed (singular) but not in a repeated manner (plural) so i don’t know if i am using β€œstabbing pain” correctly, as stabbing has an implied plurality.

i really hate english.

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so i’m going to have to try to journal some more about what my pain feels like between waking up tomorrow and a quarter to 2. all this because i’m hung up on the implied meaning of β€œstabbing” being coupled with a foreign object penetrating the body in an unnatural fashion.

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in retrospect, i shouldn’t have scheduled an appointment that was two week after my previous one, but the staff are terrible at their jobs and i was very fed up with having to stand and wait at a desk for a painful amount of time.

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not particularly looking forward to going into a hospital tomorrow and dealing with the screening system. i don’t feel like i’m getting enough sleep lately, but i’m not explicitly tired, just don’t feel rested.

ended up pulling W from today’s free pull of the limited banner in arknights, so that was a pretty good way to start the day.

turning off my morning
lights automations in the vain hope that i will be able to sleep longer that way.

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