it makes me sad that the mental models and conceptual thoughts i have don’t work out to being implemented in practice as seamlessly as i would hope they would. somtimes having a brain that’s super optimized for logic means i cannot make compromises in code design for other humans
and it’s not just confined to illness related experiences either. for a time i became intensely emotional, but thankfully that’s not the case anymore. now i just find my reactions to be completely non-existant or significantly more intense than before but not into being absurd.
which, being able to code for an engineering position is important; but what if i have more pride in something else i've done professionally? what does that say about your internal culture to me? does that mean i have less value to you?
recently tried explaining this to a family member who i had previously thought understood it. they where caught up in what was being said, rather than what is said and not said at the same time. getting people to see beyond the barrier of their own individualism is tough.
hi, i'm demi. i have an undiagnosed illness (causing peripheral neuropathy), and suffer from severe chronic pain.
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