i find few things as uniquely exhausting as hearing takes on gender by cis people. it so often ends up being so incredibly uninspired and reductive, but then again so are most of their views on most things.

thank you to everyone that has filled me in on that meme, i can now see why that is iconic for the topic of survivorship bias but wow does it completely fail at communicating that in any way without a label.

okay, what the fuck is the top-down diagram of the plane with the red dots? i evidently missed that originally so now i have no idea what that’s suppose to mean as a meme or whatever and it is so confusing.

!!! after many months there was an update to β€œsnake woman and offering-chan” (okay, not really, but it is a previously untranslated chapter and i’m excited about that!)

trying to roll my shoulders back and having it yield a series of crunching noises is definitely a good sign, right?

i read a story today about unhealthy relationships and maintaining them at the cost of oneself and it’s making me think a lot about my relationship with academia as a someone who was seen as β€œgifted”.

it makes me sad that the mental models and conceptual thoughts i have don’t work out to being implemented in practice as seamlessly as i would hope they would. somtimes having a brain that’s super optimized for logic means i cannot make compromises in code design for other humans

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i’ve ended up rewriting the same bit of code for the third time in the last few days in an attempt to make it less horrible and easier to mentally parse and i’m now back to basically my original implementation but with more types and less strings. amusingly it’s less reliable now

and it’s not just confined to illness related experiences either. for a time i became intensely emotional, but thankfully that’s not the case anymore. now i just find my reactions to be completely non-existant or significantly more intense than before but not into being absurd.

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since becoming chronically ill, i’ve found that a lot, A Lot, of my past experiences that i’d have described as intense at the time, no longer hold a candle to the inferno of the current experience that i’d describe in the same way, and it’s really messing with my use of language

continuing to disappoint everyone ever, because i respond to emails in batches, once every couple days. sometimes, very rarely will you find i respond to an email chain multiple times in the same day. this is what works for me, please don’t infer disinterest or other weird things

which, being able to code for an engineering position is important; but what if i have more pride in something else i've done professionally? what does that say about your internal culture to me? does that mean i have less value to you?

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it really bums me out when the questions asked on job application forms seem to reflect internal values and politics in a potentially misleading way. like, focusing on talking about what languages you are best at and what you are proud of doing in them signals overvalue of coding

woke up, had some caffeinated tea, and now i'm ready for a nap. but gotta do email, especially since i didn't yesterday.

oooff i am exceptionally weary this evening. it’s probably the late am bedtimes last few days. i’m also experiencing full-body chills which means my meds have already worn off for the night, this really sucks. i really need to get a job for insurance so that stops being a problem

i want to see β€œhacking” get normalized. specifically the creative process of building something small to learn or solve minor inconvenience. even just trying to pull data from a website’s rest api puts a lot of barriers up in terms of needing technical knowledge and confidence.

tfw your isp doing routine maintenance at 2am is what tells you that it’s time to put down the phone and sleep.

is the apple watch still my best choice in terms of a stylish, convenient, and non-fitness-focused product for measuring my heart-rate all day? it continues to feel like overkill for the purposes of letting me be aware of the presense of new notifications and tracking bpm.

recently tried explaining this to a family member who i had previously thought understood it. they where caught up in what was being said, rather than what is said and not said at the same time. getting people to see beyond the barrier of their own individualism is tough.

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